Anger - helpful or hindering?

Such a powerful emotion don't you think? Anger! In certain emotion focussed theories it is often seen as a secondary emotion to primary emotions of hurt, sadness, loneliness etc. The question is, when is anger helpful? I know in my grief it can be a very powerful tool, good and bad. It takes the focus away from pain and you can function to a degree with anger. It is like a fuel, poisonous though it can be, it doesn't cripple you with tears and weakness. It gives you strength, it allows you to project blame and pin point something to focus on. The down side, it often comes out at the smallest things and towards people you are closest to. Not so great.

I think grief is like a swing with emotions. You go through the motions and nothing seems to be censored or is fully pushed aside. You may think you are holding it together only to realise you have been death staring strangers, snapping at people and crying at puppies on adverts. This is because your emotions have to come out. They become fragile and easily set off. I suppose this is similar to some mental illness interestingly enough, where people experience fragile states emotionally and are unable to control them (Borderline Personality Disorder comes to mind here). We all have this to some degree or the other! You seem to regress a bit in grief and battle to control much. I get tearful at the slightest thing at the moment. I also get so irritated! My partners mum, in all her well meaning behaviour, creates a feeling of utter rage in me sometimes. Its not fair I know, but it is just the way it is. I get angry if someone mentions something that triggers pain or memories in me that are hard to bare and instead of feeling sad (which would be appropriate to the thought I had triggered), I feel an overwhelming sense of anger. Again, I wonder about the helpful or hindering qualities of all of this?

I guess you just have to go through the motions or should I say emotions and accept the process. It's not an easy one and perhaps anger is the tool that gets a person through another day! As long as it is a tool and doesn't become a permanent fixture I think it may just have its' place!

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